The End of an Era

Breastfeeding.  What an amazing thing!  Food for your child, great health benefits for both mom and baby, and it's free!  Who wouldn't want to breastfeed their baby?

It can be a struggle, in many ways.  Is it challenging?  Definitely.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!  Do some mothers switch to formula earlier than expected, sooner than hoped?  Yes.

There are many reasons why a mother may choose (or have the choice thrust upon them) to formula-feed their baby.  And I just want to say that there is nothing wrong with that.

I never would have thought, but I am one of those mothers.

I'm starting to accept and come to terms with the fact that I'm done breastfeeding.  I've been trying to prolong it and avoid it, but it's time to accept it and move on.  This past Sunday was fast Sunday (the first Sunday of each month is designated in the Church as fast Sunday where members of the Church individually fast for two meals for a personal purpose) and since I've been breastfeeding I haven't been fasting, but since I wasn't really breastfeeding anymore I couldn't skip out this time.

I think it was Eli's surgery that started the downfall, or maybe that was my excuse.  The stress and lack of nursing and pumping instead was the beginning of it, followed by long out-of-town trips.

I'm proud to say that I lasted a solid 6 months.  I wanted to go a full year.  But I don't think Eli was getting enough to eat from nursing toward the end there.

My heart goes out to anyone to can't breastfeed or can't do it as long as they want to.  I always thought of course I would, and why wouldn't you?  But it's a lot harder than it seems.  And any mom who goes for it for however long deserves praise.  But any mom that doesn't shouldn't get the bad mom treatment either.  I feel bad that I won't be able to nurse Eli anymore.  And I feel like there are some people who look down on me for giving him formula instead.  But I have my reasons and I'm just trying to do the best I can for my son.  I didn't want to stop.  I probably should have tried harder, earlier.  I feel selfish for that part of me that wanted to stop.  It's such an internal tug of war.

All I've known is Eli needing me physically, when I was pregnant, when I was nursing.  It's strange thinking that he doesn't need me like that anymore.  And he won't ever again.  But he does still need me, in other ways.  So even though this is an end, it's also a beginning.

Eli is growing up.  He's learning lots of new things.  And he's doing so well!  He's such a great kid.  We have been so blessed to have been given him.  I know this is one of the biggest, most important purposes in my life, to have and raise and love a family, starting with Eli.  I love being a mom, being Eli's mom.  He is my world!  And I wouldn't change this for anything. :)

8/23/13